Trust

Trust.  It’s one of the hardest things in the world to give.  Wells, for me it is.  I have a hard time understanding how someone is able to trust someone else.  There are so many examples of betrayal, deceit, and deception, yet people are still able to trust…..and that fascinates and eludes me.

                My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 and a half years.  He is the sweetest, gentlest, and most loving person I have ever met and I have never been happier, but for a long time in our relationship I had the hardest time trusting him.  Trusting that he won’t cheat on me or lie to me or believing him when he tells me he loves me.  He had never done anything to cause me to have these feelings.  I just never understood how someone could just put all of their faith and trust into someone knowing that that trusted person then had the ability of letting them down.  Not just letting them down but letting that trusting person to fall and break.  I felt like I couldn’t come back from that.  We have even had innumerable conversations with him telling me how me not trusting him makes him hurts him and me trying to explain how hard it is for me to trust.  Insecurities are very detrimental to relationships and not having faith or trust in the relationship could be the CAUSE of the relationship ending.  I should trust him and have faith in our relationship.  Daniel used to remind me of that every time we had that conversation.  So I worked on it.  Every time I would feel bad thoughts creep into my head I would think about all the happy times Daniel and I have had together and the bad thoughts would then seem really stupid and unrealistic.

 I have been able to overcome my trust issues and it amazes me how much better I feel in our relationship.  I used to have all these horrible scenarios that would constantly be playing in my head of all the bad things that could happen.  Now…..I just love and trust and have faith and I have never felt better J….and I know Daniel feels better knowing that I do. 

Free Write

I’m not really sure what to blog about this week so I’m just gonna ramble and see that happens.

                I’ve given up chocolate and any drink that isn’t water for a while.  I feel like I ate way too much so I’m semi-dieting.  I love chocolate like a fat kid…loves….chocolate…. X). I eat chocolate whenever I get the chance.  That and caramel.  I love caramel too but most of the time chocolate is more readily available so that’s what I eat.  Like at work!  We have these already amazing brownies that are really REALLY good and then my job goes and gets S’more brownies!.... Goodness.  But yeah.  Giving chocolate up for a while.  I usually only drink water so the only water thing won’t be much of a problem.

                One thing that will be a little problem is the gym.  I am not fit whatsoever.  I don’t like running…or sweating…..or being all huffy puffy sweaty beast in front of a bunch of other people so the gym is like my worst place ever.  BUT I need to be loosing of the weight and the gym will help with that. 

                A friend of mine has become my gym buddy.  We have decided to do cardio for 1 hour when we first get to the gym and then strength training after that……I am not the kind of person who can do cardio for an hour.  The first time we went to the gym though I did.  I was on the bouncy elliptical thingy for a whole hour….and then my legs were all wobbly and I didn’t wanna do anything else.  My friend and I did though.

                Scheduling is really difficult.  My work schedule differs week to week so there is no consistency (and I like consistency).  My school schedule (particularly Mondays) are packed with rather tough classes and It’s hard to make time to do work for these classes and have time to exercise and eat right when all I really wanna do is sit at my desk in my dorm, watch Breaking Bad, and eat brownie sundaes.

                I really feel like there should be a limit to the amount of stuff people have to do in order to be successful in life.  I know that sounds really stupid but I’m tired and don’t want to do anything anymore and I just wanna relax and seen to never have the time to do so because I always have something else looming over my head that needs to get done so I never really relax. 

                I just wanna finish thins blog with the statement that I will possibly be having 5 classes on Monday next semester.  If the courses I requested get approved, I will be in class from 9:05 am- 5:15 pm every Monday……cause that’s the only way my schedule would work with the number of credits I need for that semester. :( 

Poop.